Ever realize that it is Saturday night and that you have a party to go to in an hour, still need to get ready, and you’re supposed to bring a snack/appetizer/edible something-or-other, but you didn’t plan ahead and you have no idea what to make? You’re strongly considering stopping by the grocery on the way to the party, but it’s a little out of the way and with holiday traffic, you’ll probably be like 30 minutes late. “Fashionably late,” you tell yourself, but you know you’re just making excuses. Now you’re wondering if you should even bother going at all. Of course, then you start thinking about your friends who are throwing the party and you know they’ll be disappointed if you don’t show up, so of course you have to rally.
All of this thinking has just wasted 10 minutes, though, so you’re now going to be 40 minutes late. Well, what if you skip a shower? I mean, you’re already going to be cutting corners on your normal pre-party makeover ritual, but you just couldn’t tear yourself away from that amazing episode of whatever it is that you’re marathoning these days. Or the next episode. You were supposed to start getting ready at 4 and it’s now 6. Well, 6:23, so closer to 6:30 really. The party is at 7. You’re doomed. You know it. You should just give up. You fail at life.
Wait! What about that miracle 5 minute dip you just read about on that blog you like! Which blog? Oh yea, this blog! Suddenly you realize, you’re saved! Even if you don’t have any crackers or carrots to go with it, inevitably someone else will bring those. Oh wait, you do have those crackers from that party you threw last week when you subjected all of your friends to this very same type of torture you’ve just been suffering. Someone brought the crackers, but, then again, so did about 100 other people, so these were extras that no one ever claimed when they left. Ha. His/her loss, your gain! So now all you need are the ingredients for the dip.
Luckily, you decided to buy 5 cans of white beans last time you were at the store because you have 5 parties coming up (this being the first, yikes!), so you’ve got that. Then, that nice, crafty, super indie chick at work gave you a mason jar planter with rosemary in it and told you the wire is so you can hang it from the ceiling, or even better, pick up an old painted drawer knob from the thrift store to hang it on. In fact, while you’re there, ask them if they have any old wooden pallets out back and you can hang that on your wall, install some knobs to it, and then hang the rosemary, plus some other plants from it. That would be the coolest. So the rosemary is sitting on the counter, kind of close to the window, where you set it when you came home and it’s still just chilling there.
So beans, check, rosemary, check. You check the recipe and realize that all of the other stuff is stuff you use all the time, so of course you have it – garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper, lemon juice. No big. Best part, the recipe says to just dump it all in the food processor together and process until smooth – less than a minute. You can actually do this. So you do. You realize that you showered earlier and even though you went to the gym, you smell like a rose. You can just add a dash of dry shampoo to your hair, which will give it body and make it look awesome, though you weren’t even trying, obviously.
Oh yea! This is the ugly sweater party! You don’t need to dress up! You just need to throw on the ugliest Christmas sweater you can find, which the indie girl from work also gave to you because she knows the importance of a truly tacky sweater for an ugly sweater party. So getting dressed takes like 5 minutes. The dip took less than 5 minutes. It’s only been 15 minutes and you’re out the door.
You don’t have to go to the grocery anymore, so you’re to the party only 15 minutes late, which means you beat so many other people there. You win at life! Yes!
Aww snap, you forgot the crackers. Good thing a hundred other people brought crackers and veggies. You set your dip down and only minutes later, people are ranting and raving about the world’s easiest dip recipe, only they don’t know it was so easy. And it’s good for them. Mwahaha! Ok. You still win at life.